How have you been? What have you been up to? What is going on in your life? In your mind? What are your latest achievements and the ones to come? You left and we lost each other in between miscommunication, misunderstanding, detachment. How are you? And, who are you now?
The human being is in constant change and evolution.
For the ones one got a glance at my recent life developments, I went through an abandonment traumatic experience that has led me to deep sadness, depression, and hopeless feelings. They call it being heartbroken. For quite a while, my thoughts solely focused on the person who triggered it, on self-doubts and guilt. What have I done wrong? Why am I not enough?
On many occasions, I was confronted with red flags which, yet, I decided to ignore. I felt like my light was being outshined by the light of a significant other, again, I focused on prioritizing staying, for the sake of a real and reciprocated feeling, I believed. A loving act, I thought. I questioned my values, my life goals, and my being. I was willing to shape them towards you and, despite the agony, and the disappointment, deep down, I naively hoped that the dark phase would be overcome and you would be back, at some point.
With this life phase, I changed. Graciously, I evolved. I now think differently.
I learned to accept that my feelings for you existed, exist and will exist, but in different states. Just like a human being, feelings change and evolve too. Nothing is lost, nothing is created, everything is transformed.
I loved you, for what I knew what love was about. That (old) version of me met and nurtured strong and intense love feelings for that (old) version of you. Simple, isn't it? Remainings of those feelings are kept in my heart, somewhere, engraved - but they no longer influence the course of my life. Above all, I keep tender and thankful thoughts for you.
From you, I learned about love, mostly about life.
I observed you. I watched you caring for me, cheering me up, meanwhile making time for your friends, and hobbies, and not compromising your life objectives, small and big ones. I observed you making every single moment count and I fell for it. I worshipped you. I was drawn to you, to your behaviour and your position towards life - even if, on many occasions, I could not understand how I would not be the highest priority in an action of yours.
Now that we are apart and I feel more certain about who I am and what I want, I come to realisation that I am (also) a product of what you are: a version of me shaped by your teachings. I recognize myself in you in the smallest things. The way I now do life is inspired by the way you showed me how you did life.
You were a lesson, a life lesson. You were exactly what I needed at that point in my life.
I do not regret the love I lived for you. I will always look fondly at the life excerpt we shared together. Time passed by and I broke through, realising how important the heartbroken phase was to me. I had to fall deep down to rise again - one necessary step back followed by two forward ones. It was the shock that I was unaware I needed, the one that made me flourish, the one that makes me shine bright.
Being deep down made me realise many things about life.
The heartbreak was a journey – of reassessing life, goals, values, and oneself. Who am I?
I am grateful that the heartbreak was fuel to a self-discovery challenge towards finding a new path, a new purpose. After a storm comes a calm.
Oh, the underrated power of a breakup! A chance to grieve a loss and recover a deep and profound relationship with oneself.
Experiencing your side makes me realise that a heartbroken situation is an unintentional act.
How surprising can life be? It puts me in your position, it gives me the ingredients to experience, on my own skin, your point of view - the one I strived for so long to understand.
I can now see through. I understand better how you must have felt, and how difficult it might have been for you to love me. You certainly loved me and made a great effort to continue doing it for a long while. I was young and naïve, a sweet person who did not fully love himself, whose character was not mature enough to see how things are, in reality. You believed in me and in my potential until that became no longer bearable and blocked the way you intended to continue doing life. But, it is equally comforting realising that for someone, my essence is appreciated. I can be loved simply by being, without the pressure to have to please or to become some other else. In someone's eyes, I am perfect the way I am, and that is reassuring!
I am in a state of life where I found and feel my inner peace.
I reviewed my being, accepted it, and embraced it. I am a unique creature. I am happy with the version I am and became. An independent man, who does not depend on anyone else to live. I learned more about what I like to do that makes me happy, how I like to spend my spare time, how I want to be perceived at work, and how important it is for me to prioritize sports and being healthy. For a while, I danced on my own and learned the steps that made me shine again!
You are still in my mind, from time to time.
Every now and then I wonder how you are, who you are. I wonder where would we be if, you were by my side so as to see my breakthrough.
You do not know this stronger, more steady, and secure version of me - full of dreams, wishes, and demands -, but you are mirrored in me. I am everything you are and I can only see now things on the positive side – it was worth it to have met you, to have given access to each other's thoughts, and habits; and to bring onto my current reality the lessons I derived from the little time we were given together on the planet Earth.
Is it true that people cross our life with an expiry date? They enter into our life, stay for a while, teach us lessons by showing us a different perspective and then leave. Your passage into my life made me grow and be who I am now, for which I am truly grateful.
Dreams are to chase and… dreams do come true!
Life is interessant. Life is full of surprises. What is coming next?
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